I feel like I owe you guys one. And by 'you guys,' I mean the small group of people who, out of love for me, make it a point to check this blog daily. I appreciate you. I really, really do. You're adorable. So this is me apologizing for not being better at updating my blog: I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm just making excuses for not being a better blogger, but I just haven't been in the right mood to do it lately. This blog is supposed to be about friendship and how much I love people. And while I do still love people, I find myself being very bitter lately. I don't know if I'm once again quietly slipping into one of my phases during which I tend to despise pretty much the entire human race and find it disgusting, or if people are just being weird.
Being social has been exhausting lately. I keep threatening to turn into a hermit. Sometimes I worry that people don't understand what it means to be a friend. And then I worry that maybe my standards of friendship are impossibly high. I seem to be disappointing a lot of people lately. I don't want this blog to be an obnoxious angst-y teenage vent-y space, so that's why I've been keeping my mouth shut and my cursor off the orange 'publish post' button. It's not about me. It's about my relationships with people. And right now, some of my relationships with people are exhausting.
But I digress.
On the upside, I just got back from Next to Normal for the second time. It was amazing again. And I'm really tired. I thought I was going to stay up and watch An Education, but that's not happening. Also, yesterday was a really cute day and an incredibly entertaining evening with Zachary and Jessica. When I'm less tired and in a better mood, I'll tell you all about how cute we are.
However, it is now time for me to go curl up in bed and read Something Borrowed. And you know what? Step off the chick lit. I like it.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
I'm Annoyingly Far Behind
Hey. So. I sort of owe you three posts. I may only do two for the time being because I rationalized that it was okay for me not to write anything after N2N because I was emotionally confused.
So, speaking of Next to Normal...
We're going again. And making Zach go with us. Because it's WORTH IT. It was so, so amazing. More incredible than I anticipated, and I was fairly certain I was going to love it. It was just so good. It was profound, well cast, and well done. I guess I forgot that Alice Ripley, who was the original Broadway cast Diana is also part of the touring company as Diana. So I had this moment when I sat down when I was like, 'I never thought I would get the chance to see Next to Normal' and then I was like, 'I never thought I would get the chance to see Next to Normal with Alice Ripley as Diana.
It was just excellent. And I'm so excited to repeat the experience next Thursday. It's going to be fun all over again.
But, seriously, I embarrassed myself so much that evening. First of all, I picked the wrong shoes to climb a bunch of stairs up to Row X in the second balcony. I just should not have worn black strappy heeled sandals. It was a poor decision. Especially because there were no railings up in our part of the balcony, so I basically had to clutch Jessica's hand as I was descending the stairs. I was musical drunk. The guy who played Gabe, the hot dead son, was really attractive. And I like attractive singing boys so much it's almost not okay. And so I giggled a lot. And then I cried quite a bit during the second half. So I was just a sloppy mess between the girly giggling, the crying, and the musical drunkenness.
Since we are who we are, there was a lot of singing in the car. A little Tangled, some Anastasia, some Ingrid Michaelson, and of course a bit of N2N. It was just a genuinely fun trip. And we went to Waffle House afterwards which was hilarious because it was getting late and we were getting sleepy and we were just giggly. Julie says especially prolific things after approximately 10 PM.
I just cannot even wait to go again. It's going to be awesome.
So, speaking of Next to Normal...
We're going again. And making Zach go with us. Because it's WORTH IT. It was so, so amazing. More incredible than I anticipated, and I was fairly certain I was going to love it. It was just so good. It was profound, well cast, and well done. I guess I forgot that Alice Ripley, who was the original Broadway cast Diana is also part of the touring company as Diana. So I had this moment when I sat down when I was like, 'I never thought I would get the chance to see Next to Normal' and then I was like, 'I never thought I would get the chance to see Next to Normal with Alice Ripley as Diana.
It was just excellent. And I'm so excited to repeat the experience next Thursday. It's going to be fun all over again.
But, seriously, I embarrassed myself so much that evening. First of all, I picked the wrong shoes to climb a bunch of stairs up to Row X in the second balcony. I just should not have worn black strappy heeled sandals. It was a poor decision. Especially because there were no railings up in our part of the balcony, so I basically had to clutch Jessica's hand as I was descending the stairs. I was musical drunk. The guy who played Gabe, the hot dead son, was really attractive. And I like attractive singing boys so much it's almost not okay. And so I giggled a lot. And then I cried quite a bit during the second half. So I was just a sloppy mess between the girly giggling, the crying, and the musical drunkenness.
Since we are who we are, there was a lot of singing in the car. A little Tangled, some Anastasia, some Ingrid Michaelson, and of course a bit of N2N. It was just a genuinely fun trip. And we went to Waffle House afterwards which was hilarious because it was getting late and we were getting sleepy and we were just giggly. Julie says especially prolific things after approximately 10 PM.
I just cannot even wait to go again. It's going to be awesome.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A Few Quick Thoughts
I barely left my house today, so there's not much to write about. Actually, I did leave my house, but I hung out with my dad and did see friends for a little while at a graduation party, but nothing worth writing about happened. Actually, we drove around blasting various selections from "Camelot," a CD called "African Playground" and Pat Benatar's Greatest Hits. We're cooler than people give us credit for.
Tomorrow, it's supposed to reach temperatures in the mid-90s. This does not bode well for a person whose bodily thermostat tops out at around 82 degrees and lives in a house that doesn't have air conditioning. Hopefully I'll get to chill (literally) with friends and either hide out in a basement and watch movies or go shopping.
Tomorrow night, however, I'm going with Sara, Jessica, and Julie to see "Next to Normal" in Cleveland. SUPER excited, even though Row X does not sound particularly promising. More on that excursion after it happens. It's gonna be good. :)
Other than leaving my house a little bit, I've been alternating episodes of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" on YouTube and "Supernatural" which I have DVRed. Both are equally excellent in totally different ways.
I also purchased twenty packs of Kool Aid for $2.50 at Giant Eagle today. I'll let you know when they're all gone. It probably won't take me long.
Sorry. This post is kind of lame. I just don't really have anything to talk about.
Tomorrow, it's supposed to reach temperatures in the mid-90s. This does not bode well for a person whose bodily thermostat tops out at around 82 degrees and lives in a house that doesn't have air conditioning. Hopefully I'll get to chill (literally) with friends and either hide out in a basement and watch movies or go shopping.
Tomorrow night, however, I'm going with Sara, Jessica, and Julie to see "Next to Normal" in Cleveland. SUPER excited, even though Row X does not sound particularly promising. More on that excursion after it happens. It's gonna be good. :)
Other than leaving my house a little bit, I've been alternating episodes of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" on YouTube and "Supernatural" which I have DVRed. Both are equally excellent in totally different ways.
I also purchased twenty packs of Kool Aid for $2.50 at Giant Eagle today. I'll let you know when they're all gone. It probably won't take me long.
Sorry. This post is kind of lame. I just don't really have anything to talk about.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Thoughts on Commencing
As promised, here are my thoughts on graduation:
I mostly just feel old. And I'm not sure if I'm okay with how old I feel. When I was in elementary school, we used to talk about the seemingly impossible to reach 2011. 2011 seemed so far away that it almost didn't seem real. Now it doesn't seem like that long ago that we were talking about our graduation year on the playground. But it was.
But at the same time, I still feel young and goofy and stupid. I feel like there is still a little bit of room to make a few mistakes, even though I would rather not. I feel old, but I feel like I haven't changed much since my days on the playground, even though I know I have. So all in all it's a very confusing set of emotions and thoughts, which is probably why I waited until today to process them and write about it. I just couldn't handle it all yesterday.
I haven't cried. Which is weird for me because I'm one of those people who will cry in front of anyone about anything. I didn't cry during May Fiesta, I didn't cry at graduation, I barely even cried my last day of classes. The only reason I was crying then was because of newspaper, when I made the dreadful mistake of making a speech to my newspaper babies about how much I love them and appreciate them and made EVERYONE cry. And I cried when I read my yearbook entries, but I think that's because I just cry when people say nice things about me. Reading those made me a convoluted mix of sobbing and hiccuping and giggling on a blanket in my backyard while it was thundering. It was not one of my more dignified moments.
I'm a little worried my emotions have come to a general standstill and stoicism has just taken over for the time being. I'm concerned there's going to be a day when I'm going to crack and everything is just going to hit me all at once and I'll be a blubbering mess on a day where no one else is crying about anything and I'll just be sitting on my couch, sobbing, with no one to tell me to stop. There are times when I've thought about crying, but no tears were actually produced. So I don't really know what's happening to me.
But maybe I'm just not sad. I don't really know. I've been anxious to leave high school for a long time. I think I had such a hard time last year because I was in the phase where I was saying goodbye to a lot of people I loved a lot, but stuck in the same place, where I really had no interesting in being without them, anymore. But now that I'm moving on, I think there may be a little more excitement than sadness. That's not to say there won't be moments where I'm sad - I'm sure I'm going to be an absolute mess when it comes time to say goodbye to everyone at the end of the summer. And I know that, for a bit, I'm not going to be okay not having my people. I'm sure I'll eventually get over it at least a little bit, but it will take some adjusting. And I'm going to miss this year's juniors who we're leaving behind in our places, who are right now begging us not to leave.
So, even though this blog has basically been a lot of word vomit, those are my thoughts. Or the thoughts I've been thinking since yesterday, at least. I hope they make some sort of sense.
I mostly just feel old. And I'm not sure if I'm okay with how old I feel. When I was in elementary school, we used to talk about the seemingly impossible to reach 2011. 2011 seemed so far away that it almost didn't seem real. Now it doesn't seem like that long ago that we were talking about our graduation year on the playground. But it was.
But at the same time, I still feel young and goofy and stupid. I feel like there is still a little bit of room to make a few mistakes, even though I would rather not. I feel old, but I feel like I haven't changed much since my days on the playground, even though I know I have. So all in all it's a very confusing set of emotions and thoughts, which is probably why I waited until today to process them and write about it. I just couldn't handle it all yesterday.
I haven't cried. Which is weird for me because I'm one of those people who will cry in front of anyone about anything. I didn't cry during May Fiesta, I didn't cry at graduation, I barely even cried my last day of classes. The only reason I was crying then was because of newspaper, when I made the dreadful mistake of making a speech to my newspaper babies about how much I love them and appreciate them and made EVERYONE cry. And I cried when I read my yearbook entries, but I think that's because I just cry when people say nice things about me. Reading those made me a convoluted mix of sobbing and hiccuping and giggling on a blanket in my backyard while it was thundering. It was not one of my more dignified moments.
I'm a little worried my emotions have come to a general standstill and stoicism has just taken over for the time being. I'm concerned there's going to be a day when I'm going to crack and everything is just going to hit me all at once and I'll be a blubbering mess on a day where no one else is crying about anything and I'll just be sitting on my couch, sobbing, with no one to tell me to stop. There are times when I've thought about crying, but no tears were actually produced. So I don't really know what's happening to me.
But maybe I'm just not sad. I don't really know. I've been anxious to leave high school for a long time. I think I had such a hard time last year because I was in the phase where I was saying goodbye to a lot of people I loved a lot, but stuck in the same place, where I really had no interesting in being without them, anymore. But now that I'm moving on, I think there may be a little more excitement than sadness. That's not to say there won't be moments where I'm sad - I'm sure I'm going to be an absolute mess when it comes time to say goodbye to everyone at the end of the summer. And I know that, for a bit, I'm not going to be okay not having my people. I'm sure I'll eventually get over it at least a little bit, but it will take some adjusting. And I'm going to miss this year's juniors who we're leaving behind in our places, who are right now begging us not to leave.
So, even though this blog has basically been a lot of word vomit, those are my thoughts. Or the thoughts I've been thinking since yesterday, at least. I hope they make some sort of sense.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Commencing
I graduated today.
All I have for you right now are some pictures. Because it is 1 AM, I have to be up in 6 hours, and I'm tired (read: lazy).
I promise more thoughts on graduation probably tomorrow, but right now I'm not even sure I have thoughts on graduation. I don't know what I'm feeling. I guess I just haven't processed it yet. Maybe it'll come. I hope it does. Otherwise I have nothing to write about.
.
Cute friends are cute. Sara, Rachel, Taylor, Zach, Brittany, and Yuchen
I'm fairly confident this is the only picture of me that I like from today. Thanks for making me cute, Mandy!
This is me being a tool because my parents were being obnoxious.
Even though I look deranged in this, I like it. Kate and Logan are kinda like my parents in this photo. :)
Post commencement with my Suchamom, Julie B.
I hope to upload a few more later, but it appears that's all this computer can handle this evening. Thanks to all who came out to celebrate with me today. Love you all. A lot. A whole lot.
All I have for you right now are some pictures. Because it is 1 AM, I have to be up in 6 hours, and I'm tired (read: lazy).
I promise more thoughts on graduation probably tomorrow, but right now I'm not even sure I have thoughts on graduation. I don't know what I'm feeling. I guess I just haven't processed it yet. Maybe it'll come. I hope it does. Otherwise I have nothing to write about.
.
I hope to upload a few more later, but it appears that's all this computer can handle this evening. Thanks to all who came out to celebrate with me today. Love you all. A lot. A whole lot.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Graduation Party Hopping
Sorry, guys. I already broke blog etiquette. I fell asleep on my couch before I had time to post something last night. :(
Speaking of etiquette, this brings me to my next point. I don't know how to do grad parties. And this is major grad party season. And there's this thing people do called grad party hopping? But for the most part, people haven't really liked me that much in the past, so I have very little experience with the hopping.
But I'm going to try. Because now that I'm a senior, I'm expected to be places. But I have limited myself to only going to the ones I actually want to go to. That's just how I roll. I refuse to love a lot of people. Is that bad?
In any case, here are my thoughts on graduation parties:
First of all, DON'T invite your entire Facebook friend list. Be honest: if you're inviting 400-1,000 people, you don't really want me there. And you most definitely won't miss me when I don't show up. Also, if you've never actually said more than twelve words out of courtesy to me, save yourself the invite. Because it would be awkward for both of us if I just showed up.
Also, don't be offended when I don't respond to your graduation party invitation on Facebook. I'm sorry. Just know that I intend to come if I love you. But my life is weird and busy and I don't want to tell you I can come if it turns out I can't. Please don't take it personally. I currently have 44 event invitations on Facebook and I have not responded to any of them. Oh, and thanks for inviting me. If you really meant it. You're sweet.
I also hate when people are grad party hopping and they say, "Oh, let's go to so-and-so's party next!" but you weren't invited to so-and-so's party. That becomes uncomfortable. I don't feel okay showing up to someone's party I wasn't invited to. I'm not going to invite myself to your graduation party. It's about YOU, and YOU purposely did not invite me for whatever reason. It's okay. I'm not offended that you didn't ask me to come, and I will not show up. You're welcome.
Eat the food. Just eat it.
Be gracious. That goes for both the host and the guests. If you're the host, make sure you come over to give me a hug and thank me for coming and show me where the food is. Host, be a good host, but don't get so into hosting that you forget to have fun.
Guest, make sure you seek out the host and the host's parents and thank them for inviting you. And say congratulations. And tell them how wonderful everything is. They will appreciate that.
And have fun.
Speaking of etiquette, this brings me to my next point. I don't know how to do grad parties. And this is major grad party season. And there's this thing people do called grad party hopping? But for the most part, people haven't really liked me that much in the past, so I have very little experience with the hopping.
But I'm going to try. Because now that I'm a senior, I'm expected to be places. But I have limited myself to only going to the ones I actually want to go to. That's just how I roll. I refuse to love a lot of people. Is that bad?
In any case, here are my thoughts on graduation parties:
First of all, DON'T invite your entire Facebook friend list. Be honest: if you're inviting 400-1,000 people, you don't really want me there. And you most definitely won't miss me when I don't show up. Also, if you've never actually said more than twelve words out of courtesy to me, save yourself the invite. Because it would be awkward for both of us if I just showed up.
Also, don't be offended when I don't respond to your graduation party invitation on Facebook. I'm sorry. Just know that I intend to come if I love you. But my life is weird and busy and I don't want to tell you I can come if it turns out I can't. Please don't take it personally. I currently have 44 event invitations on Facebook and I have not responded to any of them. Oh, and thanks for inviting me. If you really meant it. You're sweet.
I also hate when people are grad party hopping and they say, "Oh, let's go to so-and-so's party next!" but you weren't invited to so-and-so's party. That becomes uncomfortable. I don't feel okay showing up to someone's party I wasn't invited to. I'm not going to invite myself to your graduation party. It's about YOU, and YOU purposely did not invite me for whatever reason. It's okay. I'm not offended that you didn't ask me to come, and I will not show up. You're welcome.
Eat the food. Just eat it.
Be gracious. That goes for both the host and the guests. If you're the host, make sure you come over to give me a hug and thank me for coming and show me where the food is. Host, be a good host, but don't get so into hosting that you forget to have fun.
Guest, make sure you seek out the host and the host's parents and thank them for inviting you. And say congratulations. And tell them how wonderful everything is. They will appreciate that.
And have fun.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
2010-2011
About seven hours ago, I arrived home after spending four days in New York City with two of my best friends and a set of my pseudo-parents. I love the city. I love cities. Which is partially why the impending move to Boston is excellent.
I was in New York because Rachel, one of my best friends since I was six, was being recognized for superiority in digital artwork. Her photography and Flickr account are amazing. She was a part of the Scholastic awards ceremony in Carnegie Hall. I got to see one of my sisters recognized at Carnegie Hall. Do you have any idea how amazing that is?
It has been an incredible year. For all of us. We complain all the time about our little town and how there's nothing to do and how we can't stand 3/4 of the people and can't wait to get out, but so many of us have had so many wonderful opportunities, especially within this past year. There are a lot of opportunities that were bestowed upon us simply because we're seniors. For instance, I got to serve as the Co-Editor-in-Chief of my high school newspaper. We won an All-Ohio, which is the closest high school journalism is ever going to get to winning a championship. I was a debutante. I complained about it a lot, but it's an experience I wouldn't trade. I got to sing at our Senior Spectacular. It was a privilege because I never really got the chance to perform on that stage, outside of choir concerts. I unthinkably shocked a lot of people to pieces.
I've gotten to celebrate with my friends over being selected Teens of the Month, being cast in lead roles in school productions, and achieving multiple academic feats. I've interviewed the mayor, started to learn to play the ukulele, and built relationships with people I didn't know, or didn't know I could love. I could not be more proud of the things we've accomplished this year.
Sometimes it's hard to believe that this is just the beginning.
I was in New York because Rachel, one of my best friends since I was six, was being recognized for superiority in digital artwork. Her photography and Flickr account are amazing. She was a part of the Scholastic awards ceremony in Carnegie Hall. I got to see one of my sisters recognized at Carnegie Hall. Do you have any idea how amazing that is?
It has been an incredible year. For all of us. We complain all the time about our little town and how there's nothing to do and how we can't stand 3/4 of the people and can't wait to get out, but so many of us have had so many wonderful opportunities, especially within this past year. There are a lot of opportunities that were bestowed upon us simply because we're seniors. For instance, I got to serve as the Co-Editor-in-Chief of my high school newspaper. We won an All-Ohio, which is the closest high school journalism is ever going to get to winning a championship. I was a debutante. I complained about it a lot, but it's an experience I wouldn't trade. I got to sing at our Senior Spectacular. It was a privilege because I never really got the chance to perform on that stage, outside of choir concerts. I unthinkably shocked a lot of people to pieces.
I've gotten to celebrate with my friends over being selected Teens of the Month, being cast in lead roles in school productions, and achieving multiple academic feats. I've interviewed the mayor, started to learn to play the ukulele, and built relationships with people I didn't know, or didn't know I could love. I could not be more proud of the things we've accomplished this year.
Sometimes it's hard to believe that this is just the beginning.
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